So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
