It's Friday. Sex?
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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