You're a womanizer and a bitch.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I'm always down for nudity.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize