New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize