She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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