Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
