dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
