Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Randomize