shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize
