dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
