someone threw a dead crab at me
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
