Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
