Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
