Your mouth is God's brothel.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Success! We fucked roommates!
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