Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
