i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
