Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
