he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
