You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
