i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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