WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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