it's too hot outside to masturbate.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
You ate ashes out of my bong
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
