I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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