At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
