A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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