This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
