idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
