I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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