I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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