I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Holy sore nipples Batman
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
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