The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
