Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
