By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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