fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
