shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
