How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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