Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
