Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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