I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
