Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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