I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Randomize
