im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Randomize
