Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
