Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
