They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
What drink are we having for lunch?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize