dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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