i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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