1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
