Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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