After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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