Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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