Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Screwed.edu
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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