I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
