Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
