I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
You may now shotgun with the bride
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize