Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
