do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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