I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Hello my rib-scented angel!
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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