You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
