You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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