Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
