I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
