as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
