I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
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