i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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