Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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