if only i could text you this smell
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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