dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
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