Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
