Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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