Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
